The Subtle Signs of Long Distance Cheating

Michelle Wilson - May 21, 2020

Quarantine has really put a lot of us into a category we never thought we’d be in. Traditionally long-distance relationships have been defined by borders, and zip codes. We’ve all had a friend who was dating someone in another state (real or imagined hahahah). Many of us have even wondered how people can even do that. When I’m in a relationship I personally need that one-on-one face time. Not just in terms of the sexual relationship between two people but spending time just being with each other, even when nothing of interest is going on. Time apart is time apart and leads to wondering eyes and feelings for those who can’t handle that separation. So since distance relationships are now more common place as a result of the word wide pandemic, let’s explore the dynamics of long distance love.

You’re in a long distance relationship and for starters it can be a real headache. You aren’t exactly single, but when it comes to your social life you practically flying solo on the regular. To your single friends, you are a good hang, and a solid wingman. To your coupled friends, you are nothing but a third wheel on date nights. So you find yourself, more often than not, heading home early for some Netflix and perhaps a skype session.

But what is your partner doing? The same thing? Are they a third wheel? Are they acting as the wingman for their friends? I mean if we are honest with ourselves when in a long distance relationship you pretty much get a boyfriend or girlfriend without the benefits. Does this bother them as much as it bothers you? What about their needs? Are they feeling it?

In spite of all these negative thoughts you manage to be faithful and have made the extra efforts to keep the relationship on it’s tracks. But what happens if/when your significant other stops putting in the same amount of effort? Is it a sign of them giving up on you? Are they maybe hooking up with someone else?

Signs Your Significant Other May Be Cheating:

• They Prefer Phone Calls:

  Sounds nuts for sure. After all being on the phone means you can hear the inflections in their voice, and possibly detect anomalies. However studies have shown that cheaters prefer the phone as when things are put into written form (i.e. text and/or email) it’s easier to catch someone in a lie. After all, it’s in black and white. Make sure to always incorporate a few video calls each week. It’s harder for cheaters to lie to someones face, even if that face is on a screen.

• They’ve Cheated in the past:

  Statistics show that almost half of those who have previously cheated will cheat again. If your significant other hangs out with those who are known to cheat, it also raises the likelihood, so be prepared.

• Arguments Go From 0-100 in Seconds:

  People who walk around with a guilty conscience typically have a very short fuse. They get defensive and even accusatory towards you. It can be quite vicious and can go around and around in circles, even over the most innocent of questions.

• They Don’t Listen:

  You come home from a day at work and you want nothing to do but unload your day on your best friend and ask them to help you feel better. You talk about everything from your coworkers to your boss who is riding your ass and when asked about it later can’t even remember you ever even mentioning it. In a Long Distance Relationship there is no detail too small about your significant other. You want nothing more than every detail about what you are missing. If they aren’t, it’s likely because their thoughts are too preoccupied someone else.

• Social Media Lifestyle:

  When they are with you they never even look at Facebook. No posts, no shared selfies of the two of you. Nothing. But when they are home, and out with friends, it’s as if they owe it to Facebook to provide endless streams of content. If they aren’t including you in their hobbies and activities outside of work, that may be a sign they’ve lost interest.

• They have Face Social Media Accounts:

  You’ve done a little digging using a tool like CheckPeople to see your significant others public data. And boom, there it is, multiple fake social media accounts you never heard of, and you even find an active Tinder account. Is it possible that these are old? Maybe. So be careful of any kneejerk reactions, however if there is activity on a Tinder account than there really isn’t much left to say is there?

• Burner Phones and Fake Emails:

  In your background search you also came across email addresses you never knew about and even active phone numbers that you’ve never seen. Every dating site requires a phone number and a social media account for verification purposes. So if the emails and phones are recently used or activated these are very real red flags.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Catching someone in the act of cheating leaves some big decisions to be made. Do you both care enough about each other to work through this or is it something that is impossible for you to get over? In your heart of hearts do you think they will cheat again? Whatever the answer is, it needs to come from you and not the cheater (unless they just bail all together after being caught, in which case it’s moot).

If you stay, know that it IS possible to work it out and be happy for the rest of your lives. People have had success doing it and there is no reason why you can’t. However, if you do kick them to the curb, take solace in knowing that not much socially has changed, though you can now go out with those single friends and be each other’s wingmen. Good luck!