How to Find Things in Common with Someone

Michelle Wilson - April 22, 2023

There is an interesting appeal to the concept of “opposites attract,” whether it be in fiction or reality. The idea that two opposites can come together – either in a platonic or romantic way – and, against all odds, find that they are compatible with each other is intriguing. The loud one and the quiet one, the fun one and the serious one, essentially two ends of a spectrum meeting in the middle and making it work. This pairing is popular for a good reason, but more often than not, people forget that common ground is vital in making any relationship work. If there is no sense of commonality in the foundation, the entire structure could crumble.

When people share similar interests and lifestyles, there is a strong magnetism that pulls them together. These similarities lay down the groundwork to make the creation of a new relationship much easier. Oftentimes, the chemistry will occur organically. In other cases, the attraction can be intentionally sparked when people discover what they have in common with one another. Finding common ground with someone is more likely than one may think because most people share more similarities than they have differences. And there are plenty of ways to do this.

Looking for good qualities

A critical mind will be quick to notice the negative, such as flaws and threats. However, this proficiency is not as strong when it comes to finding the positive, especially in new people. It is easier to bond with someone over interests and traits, so when those positive qualities can’t be noticed right off the bat, it’s harder to relate to others.

Finding the good in someone – particularly an unfamiliar person – can turn into a habit after some practice. Examples of how to accomplish this include noticing the appealing qualities of someone and figuring out a way to compliment a new face every day. Moreover, view every interaction as a chance to form new relationships.

Discuss your interests

The best thing a person can do when finding someone with whom they share something in common is to be vocal about what they like. Someone being frank about their interests will subsequently open the door to meeting new people who happen to enjoy the same things they do. As a result, they may start a conversation about the shared interest(s).

It’s important to remember that it is not necessary to discuss interests all the time. If a specific interest is brought up in conversation, that is the perfect time for someone to mention their enjoyment of it. Bringing it up in passing once or twice is fine, primarily when meeting new people because friends and familiar peers will already know about them.

Look for socializing opportunities

There are a lot of stories about people who met their best friend or significant other at a convention, club, or program of some kind. These strong bonds were created because these individuals met like-minded people at events that were catered to a specific interest. With that in mind, it is a smart idea to go out and socialize when the opportunity presents itself. Wherever it is that someone is going, they will likely find an individual – or multiple people – at those places to who they can relate.

Because someone will be in an environment where a particular interest is appealing to an array of people, creating new bonds will be less difficult and intimidating. Being acclimated will effectively simplify the experience of meeting new people. The same thing can apply to work associates and/or co-workers. With these groups, a person may find that they have more in common outside of having a similar occupation or working in the same field. After all, having the same job implies at least some type of commonality among colleagues.

Push the conversation in different directions

Sticking to small talk can only do so much. If a person wants to get to know somebody, focusing on surface-level stuff, so to speak, will usually not reveal any common ground between the two. If anything, all it will do is trap them in superficial banter. By broadening the conversation, someone could find out more about another person, including stuff that they have in common.

A lot of conversation starters can be discussed, including funny stories, opinions on various types of media (movies, books, etc.), personal lives, and beliefs or ideas. Another interesting subject to bring up is open-ended questions that are impossible to answer with a handful of words. This may trigger a lengthy dialogue between the parties. Rather than assume stuff about a person – whether they be new faces or long-time companions – try to instead keep digging for new details about them. Make time for deep discussions. In the process, unexpected facts may come up that could strengthen the relationship.

Be open-minded and approachable

It’s obvious that there are people out there who have different beliefs and interests, and someone looking to make new friends will inevitably encounter them. Therefore, maintaining an open mind is crucial when becoming acquainted with new people. It will decrease the number of arguments and disappointments, as well as enhance approachability and kindness.

Along with being open-minded, appearing presentable can help with one’s affability. Preserving an attractive appearance and personality and being mindful of style as often as possible will do wonders. Failing to exude a sense of approachability may deter other people who share similar interests from going up to the person and striking up a conversation. The bottom line is that if someone is looking to expand their social circle and create a rapport with new people, they will have a hard time doing so if they don’t come across as approachable.

Don’t bottle up your feelings

Insecurity has a nasty habit of forcing someone into either downplaying or repressing their true feelings. What’s more, it makes it harder to properly read someone. This hostility, both intentional and unintentional, has the capacity to turn people away or make them nervous to be around the individual. Guessing what a person is thinking is not a good starting point for those who want to make friends, so being more expressive will remove that burden. Furthermore, it will make it easier for others to be open.

Allowing one’s feelings to be evident can be done in several ways. For example, adjusting a tone when showing excitement and talking with hands can make someone appear more communicative. Showing emotion through facial expressions is another thing to consider, as is talking about certain subjects that elicit strong emotions, such as a person explaining why they like or dislike a specific movie.

Conclusion

Finding things in common with a potential new friend or significant other can have a truly positive effect on building rapport. Think of it like running a background check on someone, only it is more casual.